Crisis Mode? (OR: Assorted worries of the wayward 19-year-old)

I have no idea where this is going, if it's going anywhere at all. I've got stuff to say, but at the moment, I'm still trying to decipher how I'm going to say it.

This BW3's job is fine. I like it, I like going to work whenever I have to, and it's enough money to keep me going. But the problem is...well, it's me, really. I have ADHD, and admittedly, I don't have the control over it that I'd like. My concentration can become spotty quite often, and when that happens in a high-pressure kitchen, mistakes happen, and sometimes worse. And regardless of what's to blame, responsibility falls on me. Right now, I'm doing alright, but I can do so much better. And that's been a recurring theme in my life, for as long as I can remember.

I know I have a problem. It's been this way for years, and years, and years. And to be honest, I dread having to scrape up the energy and motivation needed to finally get some steam up in my life. I look around me, and everyone around me is exactly what I want...no...they're what I should be. Semi-successful, definitely with the goals and the plans and the ways of getting to where they want to go.

I'm not really anything I really wanted to be by now. And I saw this coming, every step, every inch of the way. What in hell's name was I doing, why did I not do something, anything? Am I so focused on the moment, on where I am, that I can't even stop the train before it flies off the tracks when I get to the bottom of the hill? Do I lack personal foresight to the point that I see the rail split ahead and yet continue to gather momentum?

So it appears...

As of now, I fear my descent into nothing, into being nobody has begun. It's not too late, but I'm heading there. I've hit an identity crisis before my 20th birthday. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, not at all...

I found a letter on abeautifulrevolution, one of my personal favorite blogs. Andre Jordan, the writer, has begun posting "Letters to the Grown-ups", in which he addresses the rather boring folks he ought to be a part of by now...and it's so identifiable. I always wondered if anyone else out there struggled to make sense of some of these things, and there are plenty of successful folk who do...comforting in a way, I suppose...